How having a baby cured my anxiety and gave me nice skin

In light of mental health awareness May here is my story…

Disclaimer: There are sad parts to this blog but I swear it has a happy ending.

…For the past 36 years I have been worried. About everything.

Is my hair soft enough, do I have enough muscle, am I eating enough protein, am I tanned enough (I’m sad tanning beds cause cancer. I was that girl in the tanning beds…EVERY DAY! – for the record I loved it, I hid from the cold that is Canada in there). Do I work enough hours, am I practicing riding enough, do I have a large enough vocabulary, is my house clean enough, why can’t I keep boyfriend for longer than a year, or am I actually good at my job or am I secretly dumb and faking it?

The list goes on about the things that kept me up at night. I worked tirelessly to try to be what I thought I was supposed to be. It was exhausting. But what was behind my pursuit of perfection was that I didn’t feel like I was enough.

Fast forward to last year when I found out I was pregnant. My anxiety was so intense that I would have attacks in my bed at night. It felt like I was under water and everything was moving in slow motion but my muscles were frozen.  I was dizzy and my heartbeat was pounding through these episodes. I knew these were anxiety attacks because I had similar experiences at other times in my life and knew it wasn’t just the hormones.

My anxiety was attacks could be brought on by a variety of topics: MONEY, maternity leave, moving, baby daddy issues, what people thought, if I would be maternal enough, my job, having to work for a new company after mat leave, what to talk about with a baby, not being regarded as intelligent anymore, not relating to mommies, or being forced into mommy groups (I’m still scared of mommy groups and I want to start the science mom group of Okotoks).

Jump to seven weeks ago when the doctor put a baby boy on my chest. Without sounding like the mushiest mommy ever, all of the worries that ever kept me up at night melted away as I locked eyes with this new little man in my life.

I used to worry about being enough for everyone else. Now everyone else matters less and I know that I’m enough for him.

The best two side effects of being McKenzie’s mom are that my skin is glowing and I give no fucks what people think anymore. With less worry and more love in my life, my skin is killing it! No more furrowed brows, only smiles!    I have been using Arbonne for over ten years now and I think the product combination I’m using is my triple sevens in skin care. Love brought out the glowing complexion I’ve always dreamed of.  ( I feel like there is a blog on it’s own about my skincare addiction #beautyjunkieweek) (However, I did discover that the new body butter that was given to me as a gift has glitter in it…I found it all over McKenzie’s face after breast feeding him. #Momfail)

My anxiety has moved from a ten to a dull roar of about a two. Anxiety and depression are the mental health duo that plague many each day and are debilitating for the victim. I see a psychologist regularly. She forces me to feel the feelings and pay attention instead of bottling that shit up. I highly recommend working with these professionals, as much as I dread going, I feel light as a feather after I see her. Eff the baggage, that shit is heavy!

Becoming a mom has made me more present. There is no opportunity or need to plan every second of my life. McKenzie helps me live in the moment each day. (There could be a poopy diaper at any moment!)

The pressure that young people face because of our obsession to broadcast our lives through social media is really overwhelming. If you suffer from anxiety or depression please don’t be afraid to tell someone. Whether it’s your friend, a family member, your partner, a professional, or me…I guarantee they are willing to listen.

ps if you’re clever, you will have drawn a few conclusion about the name of my blog site.